Mad World

So, it's true, without argument, that I'm a little nutz. We all are. And, from time to time, it shows more than usual. Yeah it scares the people you don't know, but it just feels great to let it go and indulge your instincts.

Then there are those other times, when you feel the same roar in your chest, but you can't let it out. It's trapped inside your body and if you don't find the cork it's going to explode you. Sometimes it does. We have meltdowns. We lash out at others. We cry, slash tires, break things, and make compulsive decisions. What is it that keeps us from sublimating our emotions? Why do they overwhelm us? Where is the tipping point from enjoying the ride to screaming bloody-murder at the driver?

Maybe we just feel un-heard. What you want is to yell, to scream it all out. When you are with the people you love and trust, you can. We perhaps enjoy the fact of that relationship more than the act of spilling our wildness into society. We spill it out on the streets, splash it onto other people's cars, pick fights that aren't ours and act out because, too often we feel our society pushing that ferocity on us. We feel un-fairly pressured, mis measured, our worth folded up in our wallets. As human beings we want to be more, than a drone in a box, a number on a screen. And if we can't convince ourselves that we are, we corrupt. In the smallest ways of the smallest people we tell the city to shove it. We attack other drones to prove that we are real. Mischief becomes vandalism, becomes hate. Directed at the whole, we think we will be separated, liberated to our individualism. But our individualism is not what earns us freedom, it is what unites us.

To recognize others, and see the human in them, is to see the human in yourself. Act in celebration of our lives, instead of defiance of our collective. I have yet to understand what it means to be an individual, and stand on our own tooth-pick legs. Right now what I try to do is listen, for the answers. But I can barely hear above the roar in my own head.